What Tradition Looks Like If It's Not Called Tradition

For the last number of years I have been thinking of how to best articulate this idea that we are always doing tradition even if we call it other things. That when we go out to dinner we are doing tradition, or otherwise culture. I have often been heard saying, if you are hungry you eat, you don't bloody make a booking hours, or even days in advance to go out. That can't be from hunger. That is something else, usually called going out to dinner or lunch or whatever. But it's real name is making or doing tradition or culture. The tradition of eating when you may not be hungry and drinking wine when you are not thirsty and actually think the stuff taste horrible, that's what it is.

Perhaps in Hong Kong you do, you go down to play in the park because you have to go out and down to the ground level to run around. But not in South Africa. Here you have god-given space, plenty of it. You don't go to the park or drive or fly to the beach with your children because a park close to the beach is great for children. Children can play anywhere, even a gabbage dump or prison cell. You go to the beach or park to give them variety, an experience, a day or week out, because child-rearing experts say that is good for children. Or you yourself need to go out of the house, go on holiday for variety, have a day out, do something different. Whatever you call, it is more than just letting the children or yourself play . Another name for it is culture of child-rearing. And after a while it becomes tradition.
 
Because pictures sometimes are more efficient in saying things, I was looking for an image that would best represent this. Or rather, I am always looking for pictures to represent this idea. On Friday 1 June, driving along Beach Road in Sea Point, Cape Town, I chanced upon it. I made this picture. It will be no.1 in the series of What Tradition Looks Like If Its Not Called By That Name.

What Tradition Looks Like If Its Not Called By That Name, no. 1

We should be giving boys as much attention, not less

First Published on TimesLive | 13 June, 2012 11:19

http://www.timeslive.co.za/ilive/2012/06/13/we-should-be-giving-boys-as-much-attention-not-less-ilive

What’s up with all this attention and resources given to boys and masculinities, an associate and the head of a non-governmental organisation said to me a few months ago after I informed her about a talk on boys I was preparing to give a few days afterwards?

The person who asked me this, it’s significant to note, is a sexuality and gender equality activist with a specific interest in children and youth rights, meaning a likely ally.

Complaints about the funding and space given to the “fashionable topic” of masculinities are nothing new to me. I still find them disquieting though.

There is little confusion in my mind, however, about the significance of gender and sexuality as analytical categories in studying boys’ and men’s lives, as well as of course in trying to understand the societal subordination of girls and women.

I am also clear that, as in the case of white representation of black bodies and lives, as a self-avowed scholar on boys and men within feminist spaces, mine is both an invited and privileged position. Since I depend on their camaraderie, but also their on-going critique of my thought, I remain indebted to many African women, feminists, women’s liberationists, and womanists for their philosophical hospitality.

Such solidarity is especially important as some students, activists like my associate and researchers on gender and women have, from the beginning, raised their eyebrows at my interest in the subject of gender. They see this as usurping the space carved out by women’s liberation movement and feminism. And thus, perhaps like all self-aware white teachers of black children, I have experienced myself as both a stranger and comrade at being invited to teach within women’s and gender studies.  

I do appreciate why there is some reservation against men and women studying and working with boys and men. Much in the history of disciplined enquiry has been studies of men’s knowledge, actually.  

However I am convinced that the general argument that tends to support sentiments against a focus on boys is misplaced.

There is cause to bemoan the dwindling resources for NGOs working on women’s and girls’ issues. But to blame those working on masculinities is not to see the forest for the trees.

It is also incorrect to think that there have been buckets of money specifically allocated to the quality education of impoverished black boys for a productive, creative and meaningful life. Where money has been thrown at black boys from deprived homes, there still isn’t the kind of close and attentiveness that is required to radically change the world around them.

I was reminded of my associate’s displeasure about the attention given to boys when I read the Department of Basic Education’s report on the ‘2009-2010 Annual Surveys for Ordinary Schools’ released last month.

Two numbers that generated several media stories are 109 and 45 276. The first is the number of Grade 3 learners who fell pregnant in 2009 in South Africa, a dramatic increase from 17 in 2008. The second is the number of learners who fell pregnant, which was down from 49 599 in 2008.

These are unbelievable numbers. What they are suggestive of is that, in spite of the rhetoric about women and children, post-apartheid South Africa continues to desperately fail its girl-children. And it’s about much more than schooling.

None but a miracle girl begets herself pregnant while still in Grade 3 or at any other time. There is a boy somewhere in the background. More often it is a boy in the body of a grown man. And there’s the rub.

In turn, sex in Grade 3 suggests rape.

No girl wants to be sexually violated, however economically desperate, skimpily dressed or drunk she may be. The main cause of all sexual violence is a gender traditionalism that underpins men’s social psychologies of sexual entitlement over female bodies.

It is true that in many countries girls and women continue to confront violence and unjust discrimination on daily basis on the basis of age and gender.

It is true too that in many societies, China being the prime but not only example, there is still a preference for sons over daughters.

Furthermore, in many families and societies around the world girls and women still tend to enjoy less self-determination than the other sex. Unlike the latter, they can’t play as freely, get coerced into sex, may be forcibly married at an early age, are unable to take a walk without being harassed, are prohibited from leaving their homes unaccompanied by males, and can’t dream too big.

It is out of such conditions which characterise girlhood and women’s existence that schoolgirls get left with the baby.

Unless there is an empowering feminist sexuality and gender education for girls, their sisters and mothers, together with appropriate laws and their enforcement, they will continue to be preyed upon by males.

Yet, it is ludicrous to believe that male-children are in the same boat as older males. Boys are not men. They are developing beings. Rather than be punished for the sins of their fathers or unfairly advantaged, they ought to be educated for an egalitarian and compassionate society.

Failure to mould boys into fans of equality falls on the shoulders of adults.

Very few boys are born dictators, and none runs the world. Usually it is patriarchal traditionalism, with the complicit support of the majority of men and women, which creates the rules and norms that allow heterosexual men as a group to dominate the gender and sexual order.

While they may get some benefit from men’s gendered sexual power, boys also suffer great consequences from the social order. Like girls, boys in many countries face the ravages of social and economic inequalities.

The gender order is not geared to make boys live happier, healthier, and longer lives. In fact, being a boy, especially a black boy from a poor neighbourhood, puts one at heightened risk of premature death from accidents and violence.

By educating a girl for a feminist, educated, confident, happier and healthier life, without empowering a boy with progressive education to make them egalitarian, democratic, non-violent and healthier life does not just mean we will be faced with the problem of pregnant children for the foreseeable future. It retards the general quality of life in our society.

It would make girls’ present and future lives better if we also gave boys the kind of education that makes them more caring about girls’ needs and aspirations. 

Naturally, to work with boys and men only without due regard to the negative effects of the gender order on girls and women is to tacitly support the status quo. 

Instead of asking “what’s up with all this attention given to boys”, we ought to be asking, what kind of attention shall we give to boys to make their own lives and as well as girls’ full of worth?  

The kind of attention we need to give boys, especially black boys, is one that turns them, in their hearts and brains, into true believers of women’s and girls’ rights to their bodies and ambitions. If we don’t, we will continue to fail many girls, but also persists in underachieving as a culture.

Taxi drivers and violence: It just goes together!

As part of planning the youth day campaign I had to meet with a group that will be performing on the day. This is an upcoming group that just recorded an album which is to be released soon. A meeting was scheduled with these three young black men who formed a group called Generation X, which I think in all honesty will blow the South African music industry away, hip-hopers better be scared. I also wanted to hear the kind of music they produce, just now they come on the day and be rapping “where the B**ches at”.  

I had never seen these guys before so when I met them they were a decent group of three guys who seem very passionate about their music so we went off to their recording studio which is but a small room in someone’s backyard and also a bedroom for one of the guys. Now if you listen to their music you would think they were in an actual studio with all the advanced equipment musicians use today. The highlight for me was not really their recording studio or their music which is really great, but the actual highlight is an incidence that took place on our way to their studio. Now for the record, I just think the Western Cape has the worst taxi system I have ever come across.

So in Nyanga they have mostly ‘amaphela’ and Avanzas as taxis and not your minibus taxi. As we were driving, these guys in a car in front of us, we had taxis trying to drive over, under and between us, but that just how they drive, like they are the only people with places to get to. Unfortunately one of the ‘phelas’, a very old rusty Cressida knocked the car the group was driving in, belonging to one of them, a BMW, I’m not into cars so I wouldn’t know the model but it is one of those nice ones. To my surprise, the taxi driver did not run, he actually stopped and came to apologize. But you don’t bump a BMW (or any other car) and get away with an apology especially if you were reckless in your driving, someone has to pay. The guy driving the ‘phela’ decides he wants to call his boss, and to his luck all he did was knock the number plates off the BMW, so that is all he was asked to replace. The guys were actually nice, the deal was ‘give us R60 to replace the number plate and we will be off-no police or anything like that”. The guy refuses to pay and steps away to call his boss.

Now me I’m sitting in the car we were driving in because I just couldn’t get involved, so as I wait for the guys to sort this out I get on my phone. When I looked up 10 minutes later there are about 40 men surrounding the car, and about ten vehicles around. Some of the guys came out in groups of 5 from the vehicles and it got me scared because now I didn’t know what was going on. So the story is that the driver of the ‘phela’ stepped away to call his boss, but because he refused to pay the R60 for the new number plate, told his boss (who must’ve been at the taxi rank at the time) that he was being attacked because this boss came with what could be 39 other taxi drivers. These drivers were ready for action, and to their surprise these were just four young men, including a dear friend of mine I was driving with and all they were asking for was their R60.

The first thing this boss asked is why his driver was being attacked as that was the call he received! This scared me because today yes they found that their guy was not being attacked and the boss paid the R60 - no qualms. But given any other day let’s say that his driver was really being attacked but in self-defence, what would happen to the guy attacking the driver given the violent nature of our taxi drivers in this country and this sort of gang way of doing things. What is it with this ‘mob’ mentality among taxi drivers? I thought this was very interesting, well it shook me off a bit but it got me wondering whether being in this industry actually makes them violent or whether the violent people in our society tend to be drawn to this type of work.

Now what concerns me is that knowing they are in a way ‘protected’ by this ‘taxi gang’, taxi drivers are very likely as it the case to think they run the world and may even initiate some of these situations that end up in violent attacks. I just don’t like taxis in the Western Cape, and what is it with taxi drivers smoking in a taxi full of passengers? Once I complained to a taxi driver who was smoking in the taxi…I think you know what happened, I wanted to throw myself out of the moving taxi because he wouldn’t stop talking about how I think I’m better than him because I speak English, and how the white people came and taught us English and now we think we are all that. I think this may be an unfair generalization, but I think taxi drivers ‘abanayo ingqondo’ period!

Youth Despondence: A result of lack of opportunities and support or just pure laziness

Youth month is just a few days away and as we know, many organizations will be targeting our poorer communities with campaigns. Some of these just to celebrate youth day and commemorate those who died on this day 36 years ago, some with developmental objectives for our young people, all of these well intended. Some of these organizations will most likely disappear after this day and only to be seen again next year June 16, while some will invest in long term projects to empower our young people.


Like many of these organizations I find myself having to plan a youth day campaign as part of my deliverables in the organization that I work for. Now this is not an easy task. Several times I have gone as close as pulling my hair out, but every time I get close to it I realize that I actually need my hair, it has become an accessory. The focus of this campaign being on the youth, I thought it would make sense to involve them in every step in planning this event. Being unfamiliar with the area in which this event is to take place I thought the schools would be a good entry point into the communities, and I then started working with learners from various schools in the area. So each school formed a group that represents them in the planning committee. Now I must say working with vibrant young people can be very exciting and so are their ideas, some a bit impractical but yet very innovative. This must be the best group I could ever have worked with. They take initiative, are creative and somewhat really motivated. Now this came as a surprise to me after having had meetings with principals from these schools about the challenges they face with young people particularly in schools.


Typically, drug and alcohol abuse, teenage pregnancy, violence, racism, gangsterism and school drop-out were among the endless and very depressing lists of challenges given. After speaking “off the record” to some of the educators, the next step was to speak to the people towards whom all the attention is turned this month-youth. Yet again the same challenges came up and a few reasons as to why these challenges persist despite efforts to address them. A few suggestions on how these can be addressed also followed. Now some of the problems mentioned was a gap that exists between parents, teachers and the learners. The teachers feel that the parents seem not to care about what takes place in the schools and don’t bother to get involved. The learners feel that they learn at school, then have to go home to dysfunctional families, parents who don’t understand them, and environments that are not conducive for learning. I did not get to speak to the parents but I suspect that there are two arguments they can use in their own defence. Firstly, parents might be feeling that they don’t know how to discipline their children anymore and they have lost control and they may feel that their children do not respect them anymore. Secondly, parents may be too busy trying to make a living, not having the time to attend meetings with schools and teachers given the socio-economical context of these communities. Now this is a very important challenge identified by young people in the schools. One other problem emphasized is the fact that young people no longer know the meaning and significance of youth day. Seemingly the events of this day 36 years ago does not mean anything to them or they are oblivious to the efforts and sacrifices that were made just so that they can have a better education 36 years later and still choose to walk out of school because they would be better off being parents. So the learners suggested that debates around the significance and events of youth day 1976 would create awareness among learners through continuous engagement on all the other challenges at hand.


Listening to these young people I realized that they seem to know exactly where the problem is, and to some extent know how to address these challenges and where things may have gone wrong. This got me thinking about what exactly my purpose is in this community. The young people seem to have all the answers, they know the problems and they have the solutions to the problems, yet year in and year out they wait for organizations from outside to come and host once-off events that provide them with good entertainment for the day and good speeches which is great but very few of these organizations go back soon after the event to evaluate the impact of their work. Now for me it has become clear that young people seldom take these messages to heart as they hear the same thing over and over again, so I would think that they attend these events because they promise entertainment and some refreshments, which are appreciated by some of them because the rand is just really low in these communities.


So here is the story. We have young people in our communities who understand the challenges that hold our communities back, and also know how to deal with these challenges yet they choose to do nothing about it but sit and wait for the next 16^th of June when strangers will once again roam their streets advertising youth day campaigns. These young people have great ideas about debates which will not only create awareness, but will also keep learners engaged, giving them little time to get up to no-good activities, yet they had to wait for me to go to their schools to express these ideas. We can’t even say they lack support from educators as they do not even share these ideas with their educators. Now it has become apparent to me that young people are de-motivated, some have given up, while some continue to dream but keep their dreams to themselves in the hope that they will materialize on their own. Needless to say that they are despondent, they just stopped dreaming and hoping for the better. Now we know that in a country like ours or any other, opportunities do not fall at anyone’s doorsteps, there is neither a Manna nor a Santa Clause handing out opportunities for success. Now this is a sad reality given the mental state that our youth seem to have adopted and this makes me wonder what our country will be like in a few years.


Now given that there are a lot of opportunities for young people today, there is also the reality that hard work tends to pay off. Generally people who work hard towards their dreams tend to succeed and this is evident in the sacrifices young people made in 1976 for a dream they truly believed in: a better education. Young people today seem to expect opportunities to come to them calling them by name instead of going out and creating opportunities. I mean they can actually get to dictate how these organizations that come to their communities once a year get to help them create and maintain continuous efforts in youth development. By engaging other young people in other communities that seem to be getting better they can learn how they can improve their own communities. I am convinced that young people have adopted the hand-out mentality. They want to be handed opportunities, jobs, education etc. I know we are in 2012 but my grandmother used to walk two hours to school everyday and that just shows the commitment and dedication and desire to be educated and make something of herself. Now we have 16 year olds walking into principals’ offices declaring themselves unfit for school because they are expecting. Do they not see anything beyond the 9 months of pregnancy? Do they not wish to be the doctors, accountants and architects that some of us wished to be when we grow up, never mind that I am neither of these today, but I found something that works better for me, a different dream that I can sustain. A friend said to me when I asked how he was doing “I am making lemonade”, life gave him lemon and that’s what he will make, and possibly the best lemonade there could be rather than complain about how he would’ve preferred oranges.


Now our young people need to learn that life does not always give you what you want. You have to work hard, dream hard and believe that your dream will come true for that will give you the motivation to work on it and prevent you from becoming a dull, angry at the world young person whose parents and educators want nothing to do with. I suspect that along with a perceived lack of opportunities among our young people is a great deal of laziness and a very destructive hand-out mentality which seem to be destroying our youth and will continue to do so unless young people decide to get up, speak out and act out. And perhaps they feel that they are not given a platform to do so as mentioned by one of the young people I worked with. Yet again, it would be so much easier for them to create their own platform that they can dictate. This exercise made me realize that young people seem to have lost their voices. This either because they are engaged in things that shouldn’t concern them, or they are just really not given the platform and this lead to the theme of my campaign being “Reclaim Your Voice”. And as a step to help young people do this I made them the centre of this campaign, the ideas are theirs, they will be planning the event, mobilise learners in their schools, market the event, perform at the event and share their experiences of being part and parcel of an event organized for them by them. So far the plans seem to be in place. Now my questions is why could these learners who seem so good at this not have done anything like this on their own, for their own schools and communities because they seem to have almost everything they need within them?